The Enneagram

The day is gray. Some would say dreary, but I prefer cozy. The rain fell loud and heavy through the night, the intensity of the wind causing walls to creak and windows rattle every so often. This morning, mistiness is intermittently interrupted by pockets of downpour. Candles are lit, coffee is poured, and I am snug and content at my desk, separated from mesmerizing drops of water by mere inches of wall and window. A new day need not be sunny and dry to beckon us into it. Nor does the beginning of a new year need fresh starts and clean slates to set us up for success. Over a week into January, what started on a bit of a whim has settled into steady. My husband and I decided, quite at the eleventh hour, to drive to Florida for the new year. The 15 hour drive was entirely worth it the minute we saw the expressions of astonishment upon the faces of my parents, brother, and sister-in-law, who were not expecting us in the least. I will forever treasure having that moment on video. I’ve never been one to select a word at the beginning of the year… or if I have, I’ve forgotten all about it by February. What I find happening to me more often than not is the word ultimately finds me at the year’s conclusion. 2023 for me… was an absolute whirlwind - in the best way. It was filled with trips to see family, birthdays, showers, a wedding, new babies… all the very best things God has graciously gifted us in this life. Getting to hold these precious little souls breathing their brand new breaths far outweighed the inconvenience of driving in bad weather, delayed flights, and chaotic work days upon returning home. I travelled or was away from Tennessee 95 of 365 days in 2023. I often found myself joking that in 2024 people would both know where to find us and find themselves very welcome in our humble abode in Tennessee. Yes, as 2023 came to a close and we tucked ourselves away at home for Christmas focusing our hearts on Christ, travel was the furthest thing from our minds. So I found myself a bit bewildered when my husband suggested the final adventure of the year… and not telling anyone about it. But ever the surprise enthusiast, it didn’t take me long to fall into stride with his plotting. We booked a rental car, picked it up, and in the early hush of the next morning before both sun or neighbors has risen, we embarked on our journey to the sunshine state. And now home a week, our toes dipped and acclimating to whatever 2024 will be, I’ve left the whirlwind behind, not lacking in my gratitude of all it brought, but very much looking forward to an intentional calm and quiet I hope to bring to this new year - even (and expectedly) if the actual year and its events doesn’t lend itself to either. Happy January, sweet friends. May this year not only bring you beauty and joy, wonder and adventure, but most importantly may it bring you closer to the God who gifts them. xo, Lauren

I woke up to a whisper of a snowfall on the morning of our wedding. It lasted through my time in God’s Word and lingered just long enough for me to capture a few pictures of the leaves outside my bedroom window. I’ve always loved the snow, but living in the South, don’t see nearly as much of it as I did growing up in Western New York. Watching it fall on that cool February morning, I couldn’t help but look up and smile at the subtle affirmation that God cares about the smallest desires of our heart. He is good to us in the big ways and the small ones and this was a day we'd experience both. If I’m honest, it wasn’t the day the two of us had dreamt up, at least not prior to all things 2020. Yet, after getting engaged in in the midst of a bid of world chaos, God gifted us a new dream. He rewrote the details in our hearts, assuring us all that would matter the day of our wedding was His Presence and our own. We’d tried to plan it for the fall, but the details never quite came together. Knowing his family was halfway around the world, and mine had different levels of comfort regarding traveling in the midst of uncertainty, easy solutions felt just beyond our grasp. But God. I privately prayed for Him to work out these details and make a date known to us. Who was I to question if I woke one morning to a date circled on my calendar in a Heavenly hue of gold? While I believe God could have done just that. He didn’t. Instead, as He often does, He chose a much better way to reveal things to us. Later that day, unaware of my prayer, Josiah came to me and did something he’d yet to do in the planning process. He suggested a date. February 1st. He thought two becoming one on 2-1 had a nice ring to it. I couldn’t help but smile. Unbeknownst to Josiah, God had used him to answer yet another of my prayers. We began to follow through on the plans God had clearly already set in motion. We’d already completed our counseling with a pastor who was a dear friend. Another God story for another day. Pastor Lou readily agreed to being available on February 1st. We had someone to marry us. We called my parents, informing them of what we wished to do. I knew it would be difficult to not have more family and friends there, but I knew it would be impossible to not have my Dad there to give me away. They made arrangements to drive down with my sister and rented an Airbnb, providing us with a beautiful setting to say, "we do." We had somewhere to get married. I ordered a simple dress I found online and we made our way to the mall to get Josiah’s suit and have dinner. It was our last date night as fiancés. We had something to wear. We stopped by the local flower shop on a Saturday morning, Josiah nodding in agreement as I picked my favorite shade of blue, then proceeded to do the same as we tasted cakes and I inquired about a wedding-appropriate shade of blue frosting. We had flowers and a cake. I knew as we drove around, from spot to spot in our sweet little town, that this was the place we were meant to begin. This place had been home to both of us and would now become the place where we’d make our home together. The place God had always intended for us to meet and where we’d live until or if He called us elsewhere. We had a home ready and waiting for us to plant our roots. My parents and sister arrived late on Friday night or rather a little after midnight on Saturday morning. It had been over half a year since we’d last been in one another’s presence. It was the first time I saw my sister pregnant and was able place my hand on her growing belly, home to the precious life growing inside of her. Blessing upon blessing. We had guests. Before we all groggily found our way to bed, we did a late night exchange of month old Christmas gifts. My Mom handed me a box. My Christmas present from my brother. Being in the army and due to travel restrictions, he’d been unable to make the trip. I opened the box to a pair of Cole Haan Wingtip Oxford sneakers in my favorite shade of blue. Of course when he made the purchase we’d all been unaware of when the wedding would occur, let alone a color scheme. They weren’t traditional wedding attire, but their sudden appearance was another example of God weaving Himself into even the smallest of details and a fun way for my brother to have a say, even from a distance. I had my shoes. The next couple of days flew by as we worked out last minute details. My Mom had arranged a caterer and at the last minute added a few more flowers to the order. Thank God for Moms. My friend was set to take photos and we’d found someone to video the ceremony. We had a menu along with a way to remember and share the day. We picked music for the ceremony, chose Bible passages important to both of us, settled on the song we’d dance to with one another, and then my Dad listened to the song I'd chosen for our dance. A song, the minute I heard it, felt it was written about him. A song that spoke of a girl always seeing the love of her Heavenly Father in her Daddy's eyes. It was perfect and true. We had God's Word and music. My Mom showed me her jewelry and let me pick out the necklace and earrings I'd wear on my wedding day. I realized with my dress, flowers, shoes, my mother’s jewelry, and my grandmother’s pearls, we'd checked off something old, new, borrowed, and blue. We had tradition. The night before the big day we all settled into our own version of a rehearsal dinner and finished watching Father of the Bride, something we’d done the night before my sister’s wedding as well. I soaked up every moment, tucking the memories away. God was giving us more than we could have imagined and our hearts were full. He’d brought us, with such ease, to the most important day of our lives. And so on that morning when I woke up, the snow felt like He’d wrapped everything up in a bow to present to us. I wish I had the words to describe what it felt like to look into Josiah’s eyes that day, knowing I held the hands of the man God knew I needed. He’d been preparing our hearts for one another long before we met and now, in that very moment, He was knitting them together in a new way. He united our hearts so that together, we could spend our marriage pursuing His. There’s more to say and far too many details than I could ever completely convey here. Suffice to say, on February 1st, before God, Josiah and I vowed forever to one another and I became Mrs. Josiah Sleewa. And just like that, we had everything. We imagine a day in the not too distant future when we will be able to celebrate with our loved ones. Maybe not all in one place at one time, but intentionally and joyfully as life allows. In the interim, our prayer echoes the lyrics to our first dance: When we're weak and when we're strong When it's hard to carry on Oh God we want your love on display Here we are, we're yours and yours alone God, here we are May what you joined be not undone We want the world to see your love through us. We want more of you We are two becoming one May what he's joined be not undone May our love put Christ on display Xo, Lauren

Christmas looked different this year. It changed locations and lacked many familiar faces. It was a bit more simple and a whole lot quieter. Menus changed and gifts normally received with heart-filled gratitude and a warm hug, were packaged up and dropped off on porches or sent in the mail. But the very heart of Christmas, the celebration of Jesus’ arrival here on earth, is so very much the same. I’ve been basking in the light of Christ today and I’d like to encourage you to as well. This evening as I reflect on Jesus, my heart is filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude that He was willing to be born in order to die that we might live... IF we choose Him. Don’t miss that part dear friends. He wants to walk with us through this life, but we need to choose Him first. Let that be where we settle our hearts as this day comes to a close. On a day, I’m guessing, has fallen a bit short of all we usually anticipate, may we instead focus on the God who who far exceeds our expectations. He is with us. Truly. Merry Christmas!! ♥️ Xo, Lauren

Can we have real talk for a minute? I’ve been thinking a lot today (dangerous, I know) but seriously. I was trying to put myself in the shoes of someone who doubts in the existence of God. And it was a struggle. I look out into the world and I see God in everything. EVERYTHING. I look out and I wonder how can someone NOT believe? But I know so many people don’t. They look out at the hurting and the suffering and wonder how God could exist and not intervene? Or they do believe in “a higher power” because this world is too complex to merely be an accident. But they believe in who they think God is. They dictate the qualities and characteristic of the One who created them. I don’t deny that I come from a place of believing in the God of the Bible. I believe God tells us exactly who He is in His Word. I believe He inspired the words of Moses and Paul, Matthew and Mark, Luke and John, David. This is the God I have come to know and stake my very life on. The way an author has an idea for a book or a musician for a song… God had the idea for exactly YOU. Life is distracting, isn’t it? We get placed on these paths… do well in school, get a good job, save for retirement, save so that you can spend money on things that are enjoyable, get married, have children, save for your children to go to school, provide for them more than what you had, encourage their education, encourage their world traveling and pursuit of knowledge, give them them a well rounded life experience. Is that the point of all of this? I believe God wants us to enjoy our lives. He gifted them to us. But I think we’ve gotten confused at what we need in order to do so and I believe we have greatly underestimated the holiness of the Creator of the Universe. I think that deserves more that nightly prayers and Sunday mornings. I don’t have some great conclusion to these thoughts. I simply have a few verses. “Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.” ~ Matthew 22:37-38 “When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” ~ Matthew 28: 17-20 Are we doing that? Are we focusing our lives around the One who gave them to us? There are a lot of hard things in life. There is death, there is suffering. We live in a fallen world as a direct result of the sinful choices we have made. But whether you believe in Him or not, we live in a world created by a mighty God who believes in redemption. I think if you take a moment to quiet yourself, to pray, you will hear His still, small voice, whisper to your heart, to your soul. Listen to Him. Don’t brush Him off as an outdated social construct. We all think we have forever to get it right. The truth is life is fleeting, and no matter what our opinions our, they do not determine who God is. May we humble ourselves before Him. Before it’s too late. I love you all. If you want to talk more about who God is and what that means for your life. I am always here. Xo, 
Lauren

I am so thankful for this dedicated season of Lent to sit in the significance of the cross... t o absorb what happened all those years ago and what that means for us today. As we go through this Lenten season, I encourage you to take a few minutes each day to spend with Jesus. Whether you have time to find a quiet corner and sit for a moment, or whether it's in the car in between errands, or on the way to pick up your kiddos. Posture your heart to hear from Him. Thank Him for what He did for you. Have you ever thought about the fact, that while Jesus hung on the cross, He knew your name and face. He knew your heart. He suffered specifically for you. And He would have done it even if it was just for you. It was personal. And if, this season, you're struggling to know that and to believe that? God can handle it. Take your doubts and struggles to Him. Get honest with Him about how you feel and be ready when He answers you. Love you all & praying for you daily. Xo, Lauren

I’ve relived February 25th, every year, for the last thirteen. Today marks fourteen years since I looked down at my cell phone and saw a missed call from my Mom. Two sets of seven. God’s perfect number. Tomorrow, the 26th, just after midnight, my brother will have been gone long enough to mark that perfect number twice. For most of that time however, his absence has left me sitting in all of the imperfection. I don’t mean to imply, had my brother not died, my world, my family’s world, would be perfect. But if I go back to that day, to my 18 year old, pre Jesus knowing and loving self. I’m pretty sure I thought God made a mistake. Surely, God, you didn’t mean for this to happen to our family? We were perfect and everything was wonderful. Of course we weren’t and it wasn’t, but when someone dies, those rose-colored glasses glue themselves to your face and can be difficult to remove. For years, I’ve spent this day measuring the weight of my sadness. Some years it’s been a lighter load to bear, and others I’ve all but buckled beneath the heaviness of it. For years, I’ve used my words to work through this; to walk through the grief of the loss while still embracing the gratitude I felt for being able to call James my brother and spend 17 years with him. Looking back, I can see how my heart was always striving to catch up with my words… to truly feel what I was letting myself say. I’ve read this verse in the Bible more times that I can count, “ But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen [a]asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who [b]sleep in Jesus. ” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14). I’ve read it… I’ve understood it… I’ve even shared it… but I wasn’t living it. I held on, far too tightly, to my sorrow, even if I tried to hide it. This year feels different. It is different and so I want to live it differently. I want to walk through the day with a new perspective. I can truly say, this is the first time I am able to do that with a heart the Lord, in His goodness, has filled with His indescribable peace. So I made a list of what happened the day I found out my brother was going to die, but it’s different than any list I’ve made before. This isn’t me rewriting the past, but sharing how God has been able to reframe it in my heart. February 25th, 2006: Because of technology, I was able to get the news quickly and could act immediately. At one of my darkest moments, I was surrounded by a group of supportive friends who did everything they could to make the terrible bearable. My extended family all pitched in, making arrangements to get me home quickly. Thank goodness for them. God made sure, the entire way, I was never alone. I made it back in time. I had several hours to sit at my brother’s side, hold his hand, and tell him that I loved him and how thankful I was he was my brother. James was surrounded by family and friends as he went home to Jesus. People he had touched with his life and who in turn, had filled his heart and days on earth with so much joy. We went home that night without my brother, but to a home my parents had worked our whole lives to saturate with the kind of memories, that in the darkest moments, still overflowed with warmth and love. A place, to this day, that is still filled to the brim with reminders of the years we were blessed to have my brother with us. Only now, am I realizing my list is seven items long. Seven blessings. God’s perfect number. A list I will look to every year to come. Another small reminder that God’s plan is, so often, not our own. Long before December 30th, 1988, God knew the exact number of days my brother would live, breaths he would take, tears he would cry, and smiles he would share. I’ve long since stopped believing that God made a mistake, but only in this last year, have I felt what it’s truly like to let Him free me from the sorrow I was clinging to. Just this last Sunday in church, my pastor brought up one of my favorite worship songs as of late. And I couldn’t help but smile at the timing, knowing the significance of the week being ushered in. You can listen to it here , but I also wanted to share some of the lyrics below: “ I love You, Lord For Your mercy never failed me All my days, I've been held in Your hands From the moment that I wake up Until I lay my head Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God And all my life You have been faithful And all my life You have been so, so good With every breath that I am able Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God I love Your voice You have led me through the fire And in darkest night You are close like no other I've known You as a Father I've known You as a Friend And I have lived in the goodness of God… ” (The Goodness of God - Bethel Music) This song is just a fraction of all that God used to help heal me this last year. Before, I wouldn’t have admitted it, but I know I would have heard this song and thought “ except for when James died .” Because that’s what we do. We think, God is good, except for this_______ fill in the blank. But the truth is, there needs to be a period there, not a comma. God is good. Period. God is faithful. Period. His mercy has never failed and it won’t ever fail. In a world so overridden with sin and despair… He is our hope. He is our answer. I still miss my brother. I always will. But missing him no longer makes me sad. It makes me hopeful and excited for my first moments into Heaven. And my heart is no longer trying to keep up with those words. It's running right along side them, meaning every single one. We are here, on this earth, for but a moment and then we’ll enter eternity. I entrusted my life to Jesus, over ten years ago, so I wasn't concerned where I would go when I died. However, in spending so long fighting Him by not letting Him heal my heart, I know I missed out on some of the fullness of the life He’d intended for me. Don’t make the same mistake I did, friends. God doesn’t just want to save us, He so desperately wants a relationship with each of us and to heal our hearts. He wants us to "live in His goodness." But, know, He won’t ever force you to make that decision. If you want to talk about this more, I’m here. In the meantime, know I’ll be praying, and trusting that God knows who my prayers are for. Xo, Lauren

It's 3 AM and I'm wide awake. I'd blame the excitement coursing my veins, but in actuality, I think the rain woke me up. And now my brain won't let me sleep and that, I'll blame on the excitement. Today, is book release day! I keep searching my name on the Barnes & Noble website. I'm not sure if I'm suppose to admit that. But the truth is, I still can't believe it. But there it is, in black and white, Lauren Marie Fiore. My very first book has finally made it's way into the world. Almost three years ago, I wrote a song. Just a simple one to put with some pictures and videos for a very special little girl's first birthday. A little girl who has brought some of the most tangible amount of joy I've ever experienced, into the lives of every single person she encounters. Looking back, it's easy to see God's timing. He brought her into the world, when those around her would need her kind of joy the most. She's already made her mark on the world and I know she will continue to do so. The words in Dear Little One belong to her, because they are her. Her giggle, her kindness, her contagious joy, and fierceness of spirit. All these years later, as I flip through the pages of this book that resulted from that song, I pray over each little one who will hear these words. May they grow, feeling so very loved, know the kind of joy that cannot be contained, and be given the opportunity to live their biggest dreams. Holding this book in my hand, I'm living my own dream. I'm beyond grateful God has given me this chance, to in some small way, speak my words into the world. There were times along the way, I became frustrated with the process. And yet, here, today, I am once again in awe of God's timing. When the release date for this book was settled upon, it was because it was finally ready and books release on Tuesdays. A matter of fact kind of thing. So many days and weeks and months had come and gone when I thought the book would be released and my heart sunk just a little each time there was more to do and something else to fix. What I realized a week ago, is that my book would be releasing on the year anniversary of my baptism. I can't help but think, how very God of Him to remind me that the very best can and does result in His timing. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and excited for me along the way. It's the best feeling to finally be able to share this book with you so that you may share it with your little ones. Well, the rain is still going strong and my excitement is still tangible, but my eyelids are feeling a bit more heavy, so I'll take advantage of the couple hours of sleep I still have before I have to get up for real. Happy Release Day ☺️ Xo, Lauren

I’m sitting at my desk, sipping hot cocoa, and watching the snow fall outside my window. I get so captivated by the snow. As I went around taking pictures this morning, my neighbors might have assumed I’d never seen it before, and been quite surprised to learn I’d grown up with it my entire life. There’s just something so new and beautiful and spectacular about a fresh snowfall. Even if it’s the thousandth time I'm experiencing it. I know we have long since left the Christmas season behind us, but as I look out the window, all is still very much calm and very much bright. And if I’m honest, Christmas is still going strong in my heart. There’s this song by Matthew West that I love. “Happy day after Christmas and merry rest of the year. Even when Christmas is over, the Light of the World is still here,” he sings. I often find myself listening to the song long after December 26th, holding tight to the message of carrying the cheer of Christ’s presence into the year to come. We may end our year with Christmas, but the truth is, it’s a continuation of the most beautiful, real life story ever told. One that is not bound by seasons or days on a calendar. I’ve already heard the rumblings and grumblings of people ready for Spring, ready for the warmth and the sun to break through those clouds on a more regular basis. I’ll admit, I look forward to the sunshine, but if that’s all I focus on, I'll miss so much about this season we’re still in. This season that God is still writing into our hearts and our lives. I realize that sometimes the seasons we are in, aren’t so wonderful. But I would say this… God promises that while we still have breath, we have purpose and if you love Him, He will work everything out for good. So whatever season you’re in, talk to Him. Ask Him to show you what He has for you in this moment. Today, I’m going to take some time to be still and enjoy the snow. Today, I am going to thank God for this incredible gift, that isn’t just beautiful on its own, but makes everything it touches just a little more lovely. And I’m going to talk to Him, that I might understand how these last few weeks of winter should be spent. Wishing you all a wonderful Friday. And if we take something with us, from one season to another, let it be the spirit of Christmas. Let us carry our gratitude for Christ and continue to be His Light, all year round. Xo, Lauren P.S. You can listen to Matthew West’s song, Day After Christmas, here .

Happy Super Bowl Sunday! I was excited to see the Kansas City Chiefs win. I don't know a whole lot about football, but it seemed like such a great, feel good, storybook win for the players, coach, and fans. (Buffalo's turn next year?) Speaking of storybook ;) I am thrilled to (finally) announce that my children's book will be available February 11th!! For now, it will be available on the Barnes and Noble website as well as Amazon! Check back here over the next week and I will have a little more information as well as links directing you to where you will be able to order. I am very much looking forward to sharing this project with you friends! Have a wonderful week, friends! Xo, Lauren